Twining’s first award recipient in 2007 is……

January 7, 2007
Police reason for not issuing photos of runaway killers ‘is just nonsense’
David Colemen, the Chief Constable of all Chief Constables, sorry oops, the CC of Derbyshire, was caught looking into his mirror at work, wearing en Elvis Presley Outfit! The journalist that uncovered this ooo sight captured it all on video and this is what Colemen was said to be saying. Lip reading is a wonderful tool.
“My name is Coleman, they call me the King, uh-huh-huh, of the roads. If you pass through my county, uh huh huh, you’ll get a ticket, whether you are speeding or not. Coleman is then seen to wiggle his hips. If I employ you as my driver, and you are caught speeding with me in the back, uh huh huh, I’ll call my chum in Hertfordshire as long as you kiss my hand, but if your just a serving officer in ma Force, and your caught speeding, I’ll void it or you will simply have to PAY, uh huh huh. If you are a murderer I will do the honourable thing BY ME and not issue your pictures to the press, because politically correct is what I am. I don’t understand diversity huh huh huh. Because I am so PC, I think I will breach your human rights you murderer you, uh huh huh. Forget preventing crime, making diversity PC is what me and my mates in ACPO is good at innit. I is da King, what I say goes, huh huh huh.”
When this footage was released to the press, a Derbyshire Police Spokeswoman said, “We feel that this is an infringement of the King’s, sorry, David Coleman’s, erm human rights. We are currently seeking advice, and we will come back to you after Mr Coleman is successfully promoted to the HMIC huh huh huh.” This footage has sent shocking news to Gracelands, where the Presley family are now considering the way in which Colemen too has breached the rights of the real King. Derbyshire is definitely now in a pickle….The Chief Constable was not available to comment but was seen donning the great White suit. Derbyshire have gone mad! David Coleman, you have been Twining’d, and Twining’d means you have been awarded for (1) Treating yourself above the law and ordering your driver to speed. (2) For crap service in race and diversity and making a mockery by using PC Ness when it was not required. You are the first recipient to be Twining’d in 2007. Well Done Sir and Derbyshire of course, you both are gongs. By the way who is PC Ness?


  1. I thought Elvis was dead? Do you men Elvis Presley or Elvis Costello, the latter is still alive – I saw him on TV at Live 8.

  2. Sir, It’s a pleasure that your pen has drawn some ink on this blog. Respect…I meant the King, Presley. Your comnpany has brought a smile.

  3. I just noticed that under the heading “Girl Power” on your sidebar, you have listed my blog plus Google News. Interesting.

  4. Bloggs you are a star.

  5. Man I thought I was eccentric.
    I like it.
    Thangyou verrry mush.

  6. Eccentric me, never. Why thank you PC Franklyfact. Glad you like this.

  7. Thought I would drop in to say hello.
    Do you have a link to this story by any chance?

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