The "A" Team arrives in Hertfordshire

January 24, 2007

The saga continues. The A Team arrive at the BB house just before Jade is due to be evicted. Everyone is in the big van when Twining starts to talk.

Twining: Inspector G we’re here.

Inspector G: You don’t say.

Twining: Honestly boss we’re on the same side. We’re here.

Inspector G: Right Southwest and Myth, let Davina do the talking bit, then collect Jade. Don’t arrest her; just bring her to the van. Twining you go with them and explain to Davina that we are going away. Extraspecial keep the van well hidden. Let’s go.

Twining: OK you two, Myth and Southwest, this is no time for cards. Let’s go. There she is, she’s talking to Davina.

Davina: Who are you?

Twining: Black in Blue, we are going to deal with Jade. It’s our issue now. (Southwest grabs Jade and Myth smiles as they escort her to the awaiting Inspector G. Davina is gobsmacked.)

Twining: Jade we need to talk about what’s been happening.

Jade: I know. Bawl!

Twining: Extraspecial open the van doors. Get the flipchart ready. There you go Jade, in you go. (The interview commences.) Where is Bloggs?

Bloggs: I’m writing my memoirs.

Twining: Not now Bloggs. Interview with me and Jade NOW!

Bloggs: But.

Twining: Jade what happened?

Jade: I dunno, she did my ead in. And then it was Jo and Danielle. That Shilpa is a fake you know.

Twining: What do you mean?

Jade: She’s a man.

Twining: (Gets the flip chart roll out)

Jade: Are you going to hit me?

Twining: No, but you are a bully and there were some racial undertones.

Jade: What are they?

Twining: Jade, what have I written here? Read it.

Jade: Jade is a bully. That’s what you’ve written. I’m so sorry. I really am. Is my career affected?

Twining: What career?

Jade: Bawl! You mean I will lose my fame and money?

Twining: Probably. Bloggs?

Bloggs: Yes Serge?

Twining: Get off that blinking computer.

Inspector G: How is it going?

Twining: Boss, OK. Shall I give her the award now?

Inspector G: You mean a TWINING gong?

Twining: Yeah!

Inspector G: Ooh OK.

Twining: Jade you are duly awarded a Twining gong for a lack of respect to race innit. You will go to India with us. You will learn about culture. And you will not be a bully. Do I make myself clear?

Jade: You mean I got an award?

Twining: Shut up……Open the doors, let her out.

Inspector G: Right, everyone in, give her the gong and let’s go.

Twining: Jade, this gong is for you, Jo and Danielle. We think your argumentative and as we have said, a bully, but then so are Jo and Danielle.

Jade: You mean intelligent.

Twining: See you. Bloggs come on, shut that damn computer. Southwest Oi, and Myth, get your eyes off of Davina.

Twining: (Calls his Chief) Sir, are you there?

Chiefsy: yes TWINING.

Twining: Mission accomplished.

Chiefsy: Tell Gadget I love him. And by the way you and your team are going to India with Jade. Over and out.



  1. Will this be a mutual aid operation with Hertfordshire rules for overtime?

  2. Er Southwest, we play by my rules. Even Inspector G gets overtime payments. We all get treble time. How about that? And we get credits for Bloggsy’s writings. Shall we include Myth Peeler in our club? I’ll ask my Chiefsy and come back with clearance. Oh I forgot Franky. Did we leave him in Hertfordhire so that he could write poems?

  3. I am still awaiting your response to my comment on the institutional racism blog on yor site that I posted on yor blog Twining.
    C’mon man, don’t shirk the issue.
    It goes both ways.

  4. Last comment posted before I read your last remark responding to south west.
    Fair enough my friend.
    I still pride myself on having an open and unbiased, without fear or favour mind.
    And it still goes both ways.
    Did you perchance catch C4’s Dispatches program last week entitled “Undercover Mosque.” ?
    Far worse was said in that show but no media furore has been raised over that.
    Anyway. Work in the morning. Must get my sleep in order to think of more poems.

  5. So it will be Twining rules from now on.

  6. I cant believe you are wasting time writing this blog. Please save your face and don’t do anymore.
    Jade is old news, one person, her views (not worth toffee) and Shilpa who states that she was not offended.
    Other than race issues do you have anything close to your heart?
    Are you blinded by the fact that there are a majority of this country that are not racist, but may be uneducated enough in traditions/cultures of minority groups. The same can be said about minorities understanding the traditions/cultures of the majority of the country, however, it seems in my experience that excuses/comprimises are made for the latter.
    If I was a psychologist, I might draw this conclusion;
    You have suffered some racist behaviour which has affected your life to a degree that you feel that you must raise it as an issue with other people so that you can keep control of situations and make those around you cautious to challenge you/your role within a group/forum or society

  7. We all deal with things differently don’t we anonymous.

  8. We all deal with things differently don’t we……………………..Meaning what????

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