Twining Chronicles:Newsflash – NBPA

May 5, 2007

Not that Twining would enjoy Gandhi Bapu slapping Jarrett and his cronies, no, not at all! But it would make National Headlines in the Twining Chronicle:


News Headlines: Saturday 5th may 2007

News has just come in. There are unconfirmed reports that both Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King are alive. Sources state that both pulled up outside the Home Office buildings earlier this morning where the NBPA are sited in a Toyota Carina motor car. (A Toyota carina?) Wearing a loin cloth and a shirt, Gandhi walked into Jarrett’s office with Luther King by his side, and whilst Luther King held Jarrett down, Gandhi is said to have hit Jarrett with a stick and a TWINING GONG!

These are only unconfirmed reports but police sources state that the two heroes left swiftly in their Carina, VRM not known, being driven away by someone looking like Elvis! The group were last seen heading towards the Commissioner’s office. Further sources state that the Commissioner in his surprise at seeing the two great men with Elvis went to greet Elvis, totally ignoring Gandhi, but by this time Gandhi continued a superb stick beating of the Commissioner using a hockey stick. The Commissioner’s Staff Officer’s tried to intervene and were Karate kicked by King. Sources state that the Staff officer’s fled with their tails between their legs, though this cannot be confirmed, the tails cannot be confirmed!

The Indian and US Governments have both intervened and claimed diplomatic immunity for our heroes. The whereabouts of the three legends are currently unknown.”


End of newsflash.



  1. Like yourself Twinning I have over the years become distressed by the constant barrage of Gandhi and Luther King Jnr quotes from people within the movement who clearly do not ‘walk the talk’.

    I too am deeply saddened by what has happened to the NBPA, as the issues of questionable accounting systems (I am being generous here) has been highlighted by a number of us (including the Home Office) going back as far as early 2002.

    It is further saddening that some within the most senior echelon of the movement have tried to claim ignorance of this concerning situation when they were in fact Executive Members during the period when the accounts have gone astray.

    The reasons for the existence of the NBPA are as real today as it was when we launched it in November 1999. The problem came though that we modelled it on the very system that we were criticising and in doing so have duplicated most of the abhorrent excess’s of the Police Service.

    The time has come to go back to the drawing board and relaunch an association that is based on supporting the voiceless within the Service who still find themselves being victimised by an uncaring and tick-box mentality system, rather than finding themselves being used by ‘Prima Donnas’ who have another agenda to play out (no matter their ethnicity).

    If people can be proven to have mismanaged or worse embezzled funding and resources then they should ‘pay the piper’. Mr Jarrett, wearing his ‘rose tinted glasses’ does himself no benefit trying to avoid taking responsibility for the actions of HIS association. This behaviour is just reflective of most Police managers today.

    If we are to criticise the NBPA lets criticise its management rather than its existence for without it the Service would far more easily ‘carry on regardless’ and continue its ignorant campaign of victimisation and harassment of both internal staff as well as the wider community.

  2. An excellent answer Serendib. It’s a good job then that both Mahatma and Martin Luther have kicked both Jarrett and the Commissioner’s butt!

    This scene just happened upon me and in the process I have awarded Jarrett a Twining gong also. Rose tinted glasses, my foot. My mother would slap him with her slippers. Who knows who Mahatma and Martin Luther have in their sights now?

    Something tells me they will be looking for another few “tokens” and they will kick ass again. I will keep you updated as to where Mahatma and Martin Luther will be seen again.

    I am sorry that I have made light of this, but if I don’t write and make light, I suffer. These are painful experiences, but who will believe us?

    If in the process I can make other police bloggers smile and laugh with us we are winning the battle of anti racism. Most of our contributors, most of whom are White, are on the same side as us. What you have said here is right. It’s not twaddle, its’ the truth.

    Noddy, Southwest, Bloggs, DC, extraspecial, Berty, Annette, Franky and Big fella are good guys that would stand by our side. Even Sergeant Simon, I nearly forgot him.

    MAYBE THE POLICE REVIEW WILL FEATURE US ONE DAY. I am so jealous of totally UNPC but I like him in a non gay way of course! Betsy is well and thinking about her next cartoon and wishes you well.

  3. Oops, Bloggs is a gal!

  4. Wouldn’t it be great if they were both alive.
    Especially Martin Luther King……”I have a dream……”

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