The Sussex Model for dealing with police Bloggers – (SMPD)

July 12, 2007

By order of the Twining Act 2007 section 3 states:

(1) There is no such thing as freedom of speech for Police Bloggers. Oh no!

(2) A Chief Constables Health and Safety and Human Rights innit will always takes priority.

(3) A Chief Constable and their Senior team will always be right to them, but not to anybody else.

(4) All Police Bloggers will be brought before their Chief Officers. This especially includes that damned man Gadget and that woman, Bloggs.

(5) Police Bloggers will be tickled by PSD until they totally confess to causing hysterical laughter in blogging. In the event that a Blogger makes the investigating officer’s smile then Police Bloggers will wash the DCC’s car every day for the rest if their lives.

(6) Any Blogger refusing to attend to meet their Chief Officer’s or wash carswill be taken to Karatchi and tortured/tickled with bamboo sticks.

(7) Failure to give in will result in the full implementation of the Sussex Model, (SMPD) – i.e. what happened to Jonno – the chop, after further tickling of course!

(8) In the case of any NBPA member blogging they will receive 5 additional fully paid first class tickets by British Airways to a destination of their choice to India and the USA via Barbados, and a further three weeks accomodation in penthouses in 5 star hotels for 4 guests plus all expenses paid for by the Home Office. 

(In relation to point 5 I deem it so that I take everyone on my sidebar.)



  1. Don’t worry Twining, if they even try to get at you, I’ll hailinate them!

  2. Hailinate them? Whats that? I am worried as I have not heard from Thin Blue Line.

  3. I was thinking Thin Blue line was too quiet too. Hope he’s sunning himself somewhere nice rather than facing SMPD.

  4. The tickleing bit sounds good… I might put my hands up and sing like a dickibo! Nahhh……

  5. Totally UNPC I have not been able to add comments on other blogs, including yours, excellent blog article about the man running at you. Nice to hear from you.

  6. It’s OK to sing like a dickiebo, but heaven forbid that you sound like one!

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