Monday 17th September 2007…

September 18, 2007


……will be a day to be remembered in television and policing history as it was the day the muppets came back to TV in the guise of the Government and ACPO. David Copperfield has finally come out.  And no he’s not the muppet.

I am afraid Panorama has made a mockery of what is deemed to be a great British institution; the police service. Kermit appeared on the programme as none other than Mcnulty himself. The Home Secretary did not appear, but Miss Piggy herself was watching from a distance; her home. This edition of Panaroma has blown a tremendous hole in the chink of the Labour party as the public now know just how some detection’s are gained, and how a performance culture has damaged discretion based policing. 

The revised Muppet gang themselves, (ACPO), appear to have met across 43 Forces this morning in order to debrief this debacle of reality referred to as Copperfield.

In a statement fromn the Staffordshire Police Press Office a statement read:

“We cannot believe that there was only one officer, Copperfield, on duty at any one time, to be sent to incidents. 

This certainly was not true when Copperfield was on annual leave, because we can confirm unequivocally that then there were no officers covering the city.  

We have set up a new department post this documentary. Our best value teams employing a Chief Superintendant, 3 Superintendants, 6 Chief Inspector’s, 12 Inspectors and 2 sergeants our doing their damndest best to ensure that we have at least two police Constables on at any one time able to respond to incidents. 

This is total best value on behalf of Staffordshire police. We hope this reassures the community that we are doing exactly what Copperfield says we are doing, and we mean to continue, our business as normal. 

Yes we mean to promote numpty’s further up the ranks and create a top heavy club that we can be proud of, a gang of our own. Our aim is to promote beaurocracy and stop forms because we don’t understand anything, including diversity and policing for that matter.

We are sorry that Copperfield did not raise these issues internally so we could best deal with his concerns, and him of course. “

Twining learnt shortly afterwards, i.e. this morning, that those involved in recruiting Copperfield and their pets have now been moved to the Outer Hebrides.

Mcnulty, the Home Office and the Muppets, (ACPO), now have some very serious thinking to do, and one would guestimate their response will be to hope that this show washes over very quickly.  There will be much more interest in police blogs to follow. Alas, good luck to Copperfield.  

Copperfield before you go you are duly awarded a treble Twining Oscar for your efforts and committment to British policing.



  1. I can understand your concern about the way in which policing is going but lets be honest. All that paperwork which you and your colleagues talk about, and yes, I agree it is far too much, has been going on for years. It is not something that has just happened over night. What did Mrs Thatcher do to change the situation? Not a lot from what I remember. Yes as a civvy I would love more police officers walking the streets. I wish David Copperfield all the best for the future and he has done a brill job in letting us know whats really going on, just have all of you have. Thats why we read these blogs;, not only do they concern us about the service and the way policing is going but they are very informative as well.

  2. I need your guidance on an operation, see my blog for your mission, should you choose to accept it.

  3. Mission accepted Southwest. Annette, a complement; I have never been described as informative or well written. Did you say well written, or did I?

  4. A great follow up there! No doubt up and down the country more police officers will be taken off the streets to create teams to ensure that police officers will not be taken off the streets and jobs for the boys, weak and weary will prevail! They shall of course create more forms and surveys for us to fill in so they can see exactly how much paper work we are doing so as to reduce it. What ever you are planning. I want in at the ground floor! 🙂

  5. Response plod, if you associate with me, by defenition you are also a troublemaker, but my friend if you can handle the tag, and I don’t like it, then you are in.

    We cannot underestimate the Home Office, Chiefs and ACPO. They will want this to blow over quickly.

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