Born to be wild…Twining Oscar…

September 26, 2007


A Twining Oscar is hereby awarded to the CAD operator who wrote the below.

Rumour has it that this has come direct from the Commissioner’s Office in the Met. They say he was seen chuckling in a distant room when he read this CAD incident. This would have been an ideal time to grab him, but Twining had not planned for this event.

CAD Incident:


0300 hours  – This is not a burglary. The offender is a Squirrel! The poor animal made it’s way in through a chimney and has trashed the whole house leaving behind it a trail of damage. In it’s excitement and in an effort to exit the squirrel has smashed and knocked over ornaments and trashed the whole house. This is to be deleted no crime. Unfortunately the squirrel is now deceased and was found dead on the sofa in the lounge.

0400hours – This is to be No Crimed and as the squirrel is dead it would have been a no comment interview anyway.

(Not to be outdone, scenes of crime or CSI add their own ten peneth worth.) 

0500hours  –  This is not a burglary. There are paw prints everywhere; and pictures have been taken of both the damage and deceased squirrel.


Sources advise me that when his Staff Officer giggled too; the Commissioner was most unimpressed and “allegedly” clipped him round the back of his head with a rolled up copy of this same incident.   It is suggsted that that the Commissioner then duly issued himself a caution and detected the crime by awarding himself a much needed detection in the process.


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