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The Twining Chronicles – Issue 14 Saturday 22nd March 2008

March 19, 2008

pinkpanther-dp7.jpegoscar5.jpgThe day Twining met Jan Berry

At much request this entry is about the day I met Jan. It was a cold spring morning and I set off to Surbiton for my appointment to see Jan Berry.

The hire car was a customary Vauxhall, not the quattro, but there was no customary sat-nav; otherwise like a good NBPA member that I am I might have taken it, and sold it on.

Anyway, I arrived at Surbiton a few hours later and through the jungle of rubble from Leatherheard; the jumble that Alan Gordon had brought back for god knows what, I found Jan’s office in a dim and distant corner, near a field! 

In fact such is our plight that Jan was now based in a shed.  Alas I then saw her; she walked out stumbling across the loose footings. 

“Good Morning Twining,” she said. I responded likewise, “yes ma’am” and curtsied. I had to think what the hmm did I do that for? It was too late and Jan smiled.

She clearly enjoyed that hmm, “Well thank you for coming by; would you like some tea?” Not that tea is my kind of language but, “why not ma’am. Is it infused?”

Jan smirked, “Yes with the best quality cannabis from Jacqui Smith’s home.” Oh really I thought…..the raid’s on Bigfella, Frankyfact, Southwest and TUPC. The raid is now on.

The tea arrived just like that with Gordon sporting a butler suit! Jan smiled. I chuckled. Gordon murmured something about his trousers and respectfully said, “innit.”

“Anyway,” I said, “You know why I’m here ma’am.”

“Of course I do Twining, but I have to say, “I only recognise that chappie from the video; it’s Mick Fuller, and I am so glad he’s on side.”

“But ma’am, what about that BNP buffoon.” “Enough of that Twining, now do toodle on, and I’ll be watching you to make sure you don’t take the stereo from the Vauxhall.”

Hmm I thought, better leave quickly. Now, that was the day I met Jan.

As I left a chucked Jan a Twining Oscar and said, “Ma’am I think this is yours.” “Ooh Twining she replied,” and in a whisk I was gone.

On my way back I did check the stereo, hmm, Panasonic, and I wondered what that’s worth now! 

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