Twining Circular , (TC002), The definitive guide to managing BPA’s by A.P.C. Liberal

June 25, 2008

Here-in below lies the essential guide for do good “Liberals” to assist them in effectively managing BPA’s so that BPA reps make little real difference, attend meetings and umm and arr, whilst saying nothing, and rubber stamp, for media purposes only, that Chiefs are Twining jolly good good fellows. This will create the impression that something exists, whilst actually what really exists is useless.

(1) As a Chief Officer ensure that you advise the BPA Chair that there is an open door policy. Adopt this as an illusion, but in secret operate a closed door policy.

(2) Delegate the management of the BPA to another Senior Officer from ACPO, there-by abdicating all responsibility, so that when you are questioned, you can blame someone else.

(3) The Senior Officer from (2) is to then dictate what the BPA get and don’t get, but the task of management of a BPA is given to a high flying Super of Chief Super.

(4) This Officer is then totally responsible for dismantling a BPA, that is their sole purpose. Control means power; making an effective BPA ineffective means there can be no racism; even though racism exists in society. (This Officer will obviously get a little extra help from some in the NBPA, regarding the purchase and sale of Sat Nav’s). Begin a process call modernisation and review of the BPA. This person, who will have no real qualification in diversity also, will always have a greater understanding of race issues than anyone else because they are deemed in charge, not of empowerment, but of new Colonialism and control.

(5) Finally ensure that the BPA adopts a “nodding dog” type syndrome mentality towards the officer at (4) and thereby Officer’s at (1) and (2) ensuring (1) and (2) are left to deal with other more important matters, noting fully that racism is not responsible for murders, ethnic crime, or riots; even terrorism.

(6) Fully deny and ignore any allegation of institutional racism; this term is not to be feared, but be proud that it may operate under your system, and you are doing squat diddly about it. Fully ensure that your BPA attend recruitment seminars and training workshops and behave as recruitment consultants, without any formal qualification in diversity.

Finally be happy that you may now have an ineffective BPA that runs as you wish, and is controlled by you; there is no such thing is freedom, and if there is freedom it is only as real as the “Liberal manager’s” interpretation of it.  There is of course a moral to these guidelines; a BPA is only as good as the understanding of the people “innit”  and the people that control it “innit.” There ends Circular 002.


  1. Excellent blog. You should publish that in a book Twining!

    The only problem with that, of course, is it would make essential but “secret” reading for ambitious greasy pole climbers. A bit like The Turner Diaries – only for quasi-Liberal nodding dogs and their owners – rather than red necked una-bombers.

    Perhaps you could market it as one of those reports that cost £500 to download from the Net? After all so much money gets wasted on nonsense… your guide could save them a fortune in screwing things up much quicker by these proven methods rather than by trial and error, and more error etc.

  2. I see Tarique Ghaffur has broken cover then. I wondered how long it would be. This will not end well for the Met.

  3. Nightjack I owe you one, only a true friend and colleague would have let me know what was happening. I would definately buy a book by NJ.

    Dr Diss – I do trust by your name that actually you are an academic. As for a book, no matter how good we may write, we do not have the masses eating out of our hands. Ours is a lonely subject matter not normally experienced by everyone. Let’s just say we wouldn’t sell like The Sun newspaper does. Alas…I know you mean and write well.

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