Station Sergeant is awarded a Twining Oscar

January 5, 2009

Rumour has it that last year Station Sergeant wrote to Norman Bettison to ask him why he allegedly allowed his Force employees to regularly check his Wikipedia  entry to ensure nobody added sarcastic views.

The response from Norman Bettison to an email from Station Sergeant went something like this, “Please feel free to contact my Staff Officer, Inspector R Sole, who will be glad to discuss any issues you may have with him.”  That, we believe, was the official response.

The Station Sergeant, it is suggested, then emailed Inspector R Sole. This was the unofficial response from the cruelly named Staff Officer.

“Dear Station Sergeant, Norman has asked me to contact you. I clearly don’t know what I am doing, but I’m looking for promotion. Please can you do something that would endear Norman to your Sergeant rank readers. He has asked me to ask you, because he can’t ask you. It’s not befitting.  He wants to be able to take away every perk they may have and ensure they manage in his style.  P.S. Norman asks perhaps if you can’t do that could you magic up the disappearance of Sergeant Twining. He is  a pain in his butt, but please don’t tell Norman that I said he thinks that. Forget Wikipedia. Give me  a call and we can meet. My Force will gladly pay for tea, lunch, an overnighter at The Hilton, return fares; bring your partner too. And in return you can write a good piece about Norman. I do hope we can work together.” Yours truly, Inspector R Sole.

We were then reliably informed that Station Sergeant wrote back to the Inspector and said, “Dear R Sole, it is neither flattering nor unsurprising that you can email me in this way questioning your role. Clearly you do not know what you are doing. That makes for a fine Officer. Carry on there and be a good chappie. I do not propose to waste anymore valuable time on Norman.  Toodle-de-pip.”  

Here at The Twining Chronicles we try and ensure you get to see the hypocrisy of the way that our Chiefs and Staff Officer’s work. We applaud every R Sole in every Force for being themselves and we truly admire the Station Sergeant for the way he keeps us Sergeant folk happy in his merry merry ways. This fine fellow is an utterly spliffing chap and generally he writes bounds and bounds of weekly police comedy. Long may he continue.  What if he is a woman though? I mean what if Station Sergeant isn’t a man? I’ll have to re-write this to incorporate equality ethics.

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