“Senior Officer is seen head butting police vehicle as rain pours on parade…”

March 29, 2009

It’s the wonderful and funny characters in our job that make it so special and each one of our well served 28+service PC’s will have their own stories to tell and just talking to my lot the other day I happened to have a conversation with Borat.

Why he’s called Borat, as an affectionate name, is between me and him. He calls me Twining or Serge. I still call him Borat. Anyway, some time ago he was in traffic and all the suits that drive the Chiefs around had finished their tours of duty. The suits needed to be taken to some sort of parade. 

And so the phone rang in the traffic office.  The skipper, a stern man, 6′ tall with a moustache, then collared Borat, and Borat isn’t exactly slim, nor does he have a moustache but the message went like this, “It’s your turn to pick up the Chiefs and drive them to the parade.” Borat broke wind.

Borat being Borat duly reported to the Chief and his PA, another Chief Officer. He said the usual, “Hello Sir/ma’am,” took them to the car, opened the doors like a proper chauffeur, etc. etc. There was no dilly dallying en route to the parade either. He was a grade 1 driver and had a White cap/slashed peak and all. When he arrived at the destination, like a proper traffic cop, he reversed the car into a space watched by all the dignitaries and guests.

They knew it was the Chief because Borat’s driving was exemplary.  Borat then got out of the car, his big frame leading him, opened the Chiefs door to let him out, and after the Chief had got out of the car and made his tunic look good, adjusted the buttons, etc. Borat closed the door and walked over to the PA/ACC’s side.

He then stood guard whilst this ACC, (female and rather large), stepped out, adjusted her Tunic just as the Chief had done, and Borat then closed the door. The Chief and the ACC walked off to the parade, so I am told leaving Borat stood at attention at the car. Not as much as “see you soon” was muttered. The parade had gone off wonderfully, but there were clouds above so Borat put his wet suit on.

And then, as they, the Chiefs were walking back, Borat saw a flurry of umbrellas being raised by the guests; our lot only had hats and it was  a  TORNADO that was brewing. The ACC could be seen wobbling as the rain came down a little more and then just poured down. Borat stood fast at the car with it now flowing like a river.

Then Borat did the most wonderful of things, he let the Chief get in himself and proceeded to open the door for the ACC. The ACC, I am told, was so alarmed that it was raining, and she had not seen much rain in her years, proceeded to virtually run into the vehicle head first, legs sticking out, as the door was opened for her.

As Borat stood at the door the ACC appeared to head butt the side inner door panel, her hat went flying off and into a puddle, and the knock was so severe that the car shook. The Chief could not be seen!

Rumour has it that she had virtually knocked herself out in the assault on the car. Borat looked on, he couldn’t burst out in laughter, but he smiled. The dignitary’s had heard a thud and were in awe, there was some chuntering that could be heard by the Mayor and his wife or so I am told. As Borat picked up the hat and closed the door he burst out in laughter outside the car.

Now Borat is not a slim Jim, and onlookers looked on at a laughing Policeman, who gathered himself and proceeded to get into the driver’s seat. The Chief was in hysterics, the ACC was said to be embarrassingly blushing, wet through, with said hat firmly on her head; all be it at a slant.

The Chief was said to be heard giggling on the way back as Borat looked inato the mirror. Borat is a friend more than anything, and I can just imagine the Chief and the ACC on this journey. Oh how they make us laugh; the Chiefs I mean. Like I say each one of these PC’s has a wonderful story to tell…………and Borat is one good police officer.



  1. Just goes to show that at times they are pompous arrogant people but as we have found with our own, they do have a sense of humour.

    Not had quite the same experience as Borat but seen senior officers looking distinctly uncomfortable when it rains. Then again had another one start a commentary when a pursuit was initiated! He then jumped out and with a tunic only and no belt kit ran after one of the offenders and “dealt” with him when he caught him. I felt obliged to run after him instead of catching another one. Wasn’t needed in the end.

    They still are cops but seem to have forgotten it unless out with the “real” police on the streets.


  2. Dear Constable Confused,

    Ah, you are so right. They tend to be pompous, but I can’t hep but imagine this Senior Officer slipping as she negotiated the rear door of the vehicle, head flying into where the Chief was, legs in the air.

    Sgt T.

    P.S. Yes, I guess after my last post, and this shit does happen, the last post shit I mean, I wanted to have a laugh and a joke.

    Borat has served the Force well. I have worked with some of his old mates in the past, but our paths crossed only recently. I like him alot. These long serving PC’s are full of good humour and fun.

  3. […] “”Senior Officer bangs head on door of police vehicle as rain … […]

  4. […] “”Senior Officer bangs head on door of police vehicle as rain … […]

  5. Oh Twining, I have never laughed so much and so hard. I could just picture it. How did Borat not laugh? I could not have stopped.

  6. Annette, good that you are laughing. The female Chief was not so happy though. Borat was like the laughing policeman on the day. An excellent tale from an excellent old style traffic cop.

  7. Boris – like so many bufoons gets ahead because he knows how to flatter older men and is no threat to the intelligent.

  8. Great article! I’m loving your website;

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